Wedding wishes & cards

About Wedding

An Indian wedding is usually several events rather than one, and guests are invited to different parts of it depending on how close they are. A card almost always travels with an envelope, which makes the wording harder than it looks. This page covers what to write for each event, how shagun and gift lists work, and how to phrase a wish for an interfaith, inter-caste, court or second marriage.

Most wedding cards in India get written standing up, ten minutes before leaving the house, with a sealed envelope already inside. That is fine. What lets those ten minutes down is writing to "the couple" instead of to the one person in that couple you actually know. You know the bride from her first job, or you know the groom's mother. Start there.

What are the functions at an Indian wedding?

The functions at an Indian wedding run from the roka or sagai months before, through mehendi, sangeet and haldi, to the ceremony itself, the vidaai and the reception or walima. Guests rarely get the whole week, and which function you attended decides what your card can mention.

1. Months before · Roka, sagai, nischitartham
   The families commit and the date is usually fixed

   If you were at this one, your wedding card can refer back to it.

2. Two or three days before · Mehendi
   Henna on the bride's hands, feet and forearms, and on her friends and cousins

   Hours of drying time make it a long, talkative afternoon.

3. The night before · Sangeet
   Both families sing and perform, often with weeks of rehearsal behind it

   Punjabi and Gujarati families treat it as the big night. Someone's uncle has learned a routine. Notice it.

4. Morning of · Haldi
   Turmeric paste applied to the bride and groom, usually at their own homes

   Clothes get ruined on purpose and nobody is dressed up, which is why the photographs are the best ones.

5. The ceremony
   Baraat, varmala, then pheras, lavan, nikah or the church service

   This is the part that is religiously and legally the marriage.

6. Immediately after · Vidaai
   The bride leaves her parents' home

   Not a celebratory moment in most families. Hold your congratulations until the car has gone.

7. Later or the next day · Reception or walima
   The large public party

   Most cards and envelopes change hands here, and the couple are too tired to read them.

The ceremony varies more than the parties do. Where there is a fire, the law is unusually precise about the moment the marriage happens.

At an Anand Karaj, the couple circle the Guru Granth Sahib four times while the four stanzas of the Lavan are sung. The Anand Marriage (Amendment) Act of 2012 requires state governments to make rules so these marriages can be entered in a register of their own rather than only under Hindu marriage law. A nikah is an agreement: an offer, an acceptance, witnesses, and the mahr written into the nikahnama, with the walima later. An Indian Christian wedding is preceded by a notice the minister puts up in the church, which is what the banns are.

The envelope, and the rupee on top

Cash in a shagun envelope is normal and not crass. The convention is to make the amount end in one: ₹101, ₹501, ₹1,101, or a round ₹2,100 with a one-rupee coin taped to the envelope.

Explanations differ, and families give theirs with equal confidence. Some say the extra rupee makes the total indivisible, so the couple stays undivided. Some say it refuses to stop at a round figure, leaving the relationship deliberately unfinished and therefore continuing. Some simply say zero is an ending and one is a beginning. Give the extra rupee and say nothing about it in the card.

Wedding gifts are also, quietly, a legal question. The Dowry Prohibition (Maintenance of Lists of Presents to the Bride and Bridegroom) Rules, 1985 say presents given at the time of marriage should be entered in a list drawn up then or as soon as possible after: a brief description of each present, its approximate value, the name of the giver and how they are related, signed by both the bride and the groom. Two lists, one for what she received and one for what he did. Hardly any family does this. The ones who do are protecting the couple, not doubting the guests.

Weddings that are not a big wedding

A court marriage. Under the Special Marriage Act, 1954, the couple gives written notice to the Marriage Officer of a district where at least one of them has lived for the previous thirty days. The notice goes into the Marriage Notice Book and is put up in the office, and anyone may object within thirty days. Only then do the two of them and three witnesses sign a declaration in front of the officer. A registry wedding is a month of waiting in public, often the hardest month the couple has had. Say so. "You waited that out and did it anyway" beats "sorry you didn't get a proper wedding".

An interfaith or inter-caste marriage. Congratulate the marriage, not the courage. Leave out families coming round, leave out whose side objected, and do not use a religious greeting from one tradition for a couple made of two. Plain English carries no argument in it.

A second marriage. Write to the present, not to the past. No reference to the first marriage, no "this time", no "you deserve happiness after everything". If there are children, one warm line about the new household is worth more than anything about the couple.

A wedding you cannot attend. Give the reason in one clause, skip the paragraph of apology, and send it on the morning of the ceremony rather than a week later.

Wedding messages you can send

Why do Indian weddings fall in the same few weeks?

Indian weddings cluster in the same few weeks because of the panchang. For marriage only the solar months count, so the auspicious dates are the same for Bengali, Tamil, Malayalam and Odia calendars as for North Indian ones. Following the Muhurta Chintamani, weddings are held when the Sun is in Mesha, Vrishabha, Mithuna, Vrischika, Makara or Kumbha, and avoided in Karka, Simha, Kanya, Tula, Dhanu and Meena. Dhanu is Kharmas, when weddings stop altogether; Simha and Kanya fall inside Chaturmas. Nothing is fixed while Venus or Jupiter is combust, which can close off weeks. Tuesdays are generally avoided. Hence the November rush and the December silence.

For what comes next, see griha pravesh for the new home and anniversary wishes for every year after. The ceremonies before the wedding are on the engagement page.

How to wish someone on Wedding

A wedding wish lands when it is about these two people and not about marriage in general. Name something you know: how they met, what one of them is like to live with, what the family put into the day. If the card goes with cash, keep the money out of the message. For an interfaith, inter-caste or second marriage, congratulate them plainly and leave out any line that treats the marriage as unusual.

Write a few lines in your own words, pick a design and share it as one link on WhatsApp, Instagram or anywhere else. They open an animated card made just for them, with no app and no sign-up.

Language tip: English, Hindi + regional language.

Frequently asked questions